Orange you glad you own my heart?

The interminable train wreck known as Chuck Rosenthal finally came to his senses earlier this evening and withdrew from the race for Harris County District Attorney. The haphazardly charted manner in which he reached this decision however is a story onto itself. Let us recount:


December 29th - Chuck breaks his silence about the emails, calling them a "a wake-up call to me to get my house in order."

December 30th - Gossip abounds about the Harris County GOP's reaction. Will the party rebuke Rosenthal,? Will Rosenthal accept the rebuke? Are there more emails we haven't heard about yet? Will Jared Woodfill dispel the rumors of invertibracy that have long plagued his administration?

December 30th, 6 PM - The Harris County Republican Party advisory committee meets to consider its options and allow Chuck to plead his case. Chuck shows up to plead, but the good folks on the advisory board remain thoroughly unimpressed. Jared Woodfill and County Judge Ed Emmett meet with Chuck in a back room, where they are photographed by a Chronicle reporter with a zoom lens, presumably from the Jack-in-the-Box drive-thru line across the street. Rosenthal declares to Woodfill "What part of 'no' don't you understand?" and storms out.

December 30th, 10 PM - Rosenthal emerges in the HCRP parking garage and declares to reporters "The very next time I see you I want to kiss you behind"...no...wait..."I'm going to run for district attorney and I am going to win." With a scoff and a snarl, he adds "I don't think they've got anybody with the qualifications to run against me" and departs.

December 30th, 10:30 PM - The HCRP advisory board unanimously votes to rebuke Rosenthal and asks him to withdraw from the ballot.

December 31st, noon - Rosenthal tells Fox 26 News that the Republican Party has never done anything for him. He tells the Houston Chronicle that the same Republican activists calling for his resignation are a bunch of "Chicken Littles." In an uncustomary act of boldness that still leaves many of us in shock, Woodfill tells Chuck: Fine, If you don't want us then run as an independent!

December 31st, late afternoon - Chuck tells reporters that his scandal problem is a personal one that only concerns him and his wife - i.e. the Clinton defense. He also blames the release of the emails on email retention policies and insists they fall under a zone of privacy, i.e. the Lawrence v. Texas sodomite defense. He tells reporters to leave him alone and insists that the only thing left for him to do is to "get right with my Lord," i.e. the 2nd Baptist defense. Then a bunch of clergymen joined the call for his ouster.

January 1st - The HCRP advisory board holds emergency meetings with potential challengers to Rosenthal. Among the names mentioned are several former assistant District Attorneys, judges, and defense attorneys, all with several decades of experience behind them. So much for Chuck's quip about qualifications.

January 2nd, 5:57 PM - Rosenthal finally withdraws, the timestamp showing he submitted his letter just 3 minutes before the 6 PM filing deadline.

This chain of events is all the more curious since Rosenthal spent the better part of the last week alienating and insulting just about everybody who had ever supported his past bids for public office. It makes this writer wonder where Chuck goes to get so much plainly idiotic public relations advice in such a short amount of time. Who could possibly be giving him such an incomprehensibly inept political strategy?

Oh wait. Nevermind.