Rosenthal’s Greatest Hits

Few with institutional memory are surprised to see how Chuck Rosenthal has most recently brought embarrassment to the Harris County District Attorney’s Office. Veterans of the office, some who left for successful private practices long before ‘ol Chuck assumed the big office, remember him as a doofus from early on. Supporting Chuck for the high post, old timers say, was perhaps the only mistake the sainted Johnny Holmes ever made.

We doubt it was the only mistake St. Johnny ever made, but surely it was a big one.

Coppertone D.A.

In the reflective spirit of the High Holidays, let’s revisit some of Chuck’s Greatest Hits from recent decades.

September 11th Gotcha!: The day our nation came to grips with the horrible events of September 11th, Chuck sent coworkers scrambling for the stairwells by setting off firecrackers in the DA’s office.

Judicial Scorecard: As an ADA, Chuck distributed his own Bar Poll of local judges, with such hilarious observations as one judge’s Jewish heritage, and another suggesting- quite generously- that Annette Galik “looks good in jeans.”

Lawrence V. Texas: Against the advice of Everyne, Chuck decides to represent the State of Texas before the US Supreme Court, where his legal ignorance had him refusing the help of Justice Scalia, who uncharacteristically offered a struggling attorney a lifeline with a simple, logical, leading question. Chuck’s response: “Uhh…no.” Texas conservatives are left scratching their heads at having elected a prosecutor who through sheer incompetence single-handedly legalized sodomy for the entire state.

Above the Law Gun-Grabber: In 2005 the Texas Legislature clarified existing statute to put an end to adventurous local law enforcement efforts to penalize citizens for carrying firearms in their vehicles without a CCL. Chuck declared that it depended on what the definition of “traveling” is, and defied the law by continuing to harass law abiding gun owners.

The very next time I see you, I want to kiss you behind your right ear. Ugh.

E-Mail Re-Seal-Gate: In an incredible twist of judicial philosophy, Chuck’s brave legal team seeks to reseal private expressions of personal affection, citing the “Zones of Privacy” established by, wait for it….Lawrence V. Texas.

We don't think these were the same "Zones" the court had in mind in Lawrence, but if they are, then we have additional questions for Chuck.

Leaving Behind an Electronic Record of Preferential Treatment for a Subordinate with Amorous Designs. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

OK, that should just about do it. You can get away with a lot if you smart or likeable. Chuck is neither.

We expect a certain degree of “boys will be boys” in the good ‘ol boy world of the Harris County courthouse. But you’d have to hearken back to the Wild West days of the Elliots, Ramsey, and maybe Eckels Sr. to find one with a more careless sense of entitlement than that bastard son of River Oaks privilege, Chuck Rosenthal.

For not just the good of his party, but for the public trust Harris County citizens place in their top prosecutor, will Chuck finally show some reasonable professional judgment and just step aside?